Friday, September 21, 2007

How To Deal

I don't know WHAT the matter is with me.

Why can't I just confront my demons and get on with it! Why can't I be like that blond lady on Oprah who dealt with her issues and ended up marrying a gazillionaire and now lives shacked up somewhere pretty with pretty people for neighbours?

How does one 'deal' with ghosts of the past anyway? And on top of that, 'deal' with the constant influx of crap that gushes in at ghastly speed on a daily basis? Maybe I DO need some serious therapy. Hmmm...Dr Phil, maybe?

Is it REALLY a change of job that will help? Is it REALLY a Bali vacation? Is it REALLY another new bottle of SISLEY face cream? I don't know. Or do I?

Well, I'll be the first to raise my hand and admit that I really do have issues. Big, juicy, issues. The kind that Dr Phil would love to get his sharp, Southern tongue around. That's a good first step. A GREAT first step. At least I'm aware that I'm not as all pulled together as some people might think.

That's the first big hurdle. Getting myself over the fact that I have to constantly be pulled together. I'm allowed weakness, I'm allowed fragility, I'm allowed to show a little scab now and then. I don't have to be Madonna Part 2. I'm not. And that's a relief.

I'm me. Scarred, bent, broken, ripped, raped, and ruptured.

Scary? Too bad.

Thursday, September 20, 2007

What if I don't want to 'fit in'?

If it's so important to fit in, then why is it I feel better NOT fitting in?!

If it means going down to the level of no good, back stabbing, conspiring morons....then to hell with it! I have better things to do with my plucking my chin hair and popping my pimples...